tears are words too painful for a broken heart to speak.
what's ive learned & realize is that we can't actually
make someone love us, but all we can do is to be
someone who can be loved. and the rest is all up
to the person to realize we're worth.

too often we dont realize what we have until its gone.
too often we're just being too stubborn to say "Sorry"
too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.

i simply want you to sit and think this over
and hopefully you realise this soon enough.

imy.

its 2:14pm now. 2hrs more to go before heading
for work. despite the condition i am now im
still forcing myself to get my ass off to work. even
though im terribly sick i know i cant stay lazing at home.
my heart has not been at ease since this morning.
boyfriend didnt even call or msg me since yest night.
somehow somewhere i know something's not right.
im having the weirdest feeling ever right now.
i don't know why. i guess im trying to shrug off whatever
disturbing or negatives thoughts i have in my head.
im having the biggest eyebag right now. urgh!

i suddenly feel as though i living in denial.
reason being? well there are too many reasons which
i doubt there is even any need of elaborations.
nonetheless, i am thankful to each and everyone of my
beloved friends who texted me this morning asking how i am.
thanks for your care and concern. its just takes time to stabilize
myself and stand back on my own two feet.
but bottom line is, no matter what happens , if i was given
another chance, i would still sacrifice everything make it work again.
despite everything, i still want to be by his side.
but the feeling of this is killing me.
because now,things arent what they used to be.
no more calls & no more smses from bf.
all i want is another chance to make things right
with you again because i know we dont deserve this.
ive tried to convice you, calls and smses.
the reason why i go to this extend?
cause you mean so much to me.

and now, im back to square one.
failing and failing , time after time.

i was just being sincere to make things right again.
i value this relationship of ours. please dont throw this away.
but if you still firm with this , or you still want to avoid me
then im in no position to hold you back .

i'm really sorry.

pardon this comatose blog of mine which longing for update.

im shivering with cold sweats all over me now.
the moment i reached home, i lock my bedroom door and
quickly curl up on my bed with my arms wrapped around
my knees and all snuggled up underneath my comforter.
ive been really sick since this morning. i thought it was
just a normal menstrual headaches but turn out to be fever.
but i still find myself motivated to get my ass off to work
despite those killing splitting headaches. and i guess ive lost
2 of my body senses; no more tastebuds and my nose is wayyy
congested till the extend that too much mucus is coming from my mouth.
disguting? yes i know. . talking about this makes me puke. urgh!

i really hate being sick. the last time i was really down with sickness
i was required to do countless tests and checkups. having needles
jabbed into the whole time. not my idea of fun -_-
but i found out that i had Anemia since i was a kid. it caused by
having low blood cells or something like that. hah. idk.
and so yah that's basically the reasons why i hate going to doctors.
it will be those same words repeated again and more blood tests
from them "calculate" my blood counts. bloody hell. (!!!)

my life has been one heck of a roller coaster ride.
and a never-ending too. right now there is nothing that
is more important to me than my current job and the people
who've always been there by side when i needed someone.

on another note i guess noone knows how i feel.
im really upset and felt like the whole world was closing down on me.
my heart is shattering into pieces and i kept staring into thin airs.
alot of things kept running through my mind.
things at home aren't in good state either. ive been having
conflicts with my family lately and i really dont know why.
everything around me is like confusing me.
yes sometimes i do feel like running away.
but to think about it, by running away wont solve the issue.

i really envy those families who are united and share a close
bond with one another. i miss family outings and gatherings
and the fun that me and my family used to have.
but things however spiralled since i was in my early teen age.
and it hasnt been the same since then.. haix . .

and now bf is avoiding my msges .
and ive spend my entire day at work crying.
ive been spending much time alone at work.
lunch by myself sitting alone and etc
ive even tried to make things better for bf
but i failed. he didnt reply my msges.
i honestly hope that im strong enough to
overcome every single obstacles in my life and
i pray that me and bf will get back to our normal self soon.

im always here for you if you ever need me.
i miss you badly , come back soon.

"sometimes i wonder how much do i mean to you"
xoxo

i got bored at home. this is the result of
bad movies on tv, no good food to munch around ,
and noone to talk to at home & a camera just waiting to be used .

. . so here goes . .


the MIANG face . . :P

my unintended & coincidental love of all
time will ultimately be my greatest.
incomparable to all souls and love that
i've ever experienced.
what matter most is the inner beauty of one.
its the way you love me and all the little things
that you do for me that makes me
fall in love with you deeply.

p/s: hold me tight & never let go.

work has been affecting me, much more than i've ever imagined (!!!)
honestly,im having second thoughts of this.
is it worth slaving yourself out like a dog for a company?
yes, in money or pay wise is good enough. (sort of)
but its just that i've been thinking about my future lately.
i mean what's my next step after this?
will i still slaving in this job in years to come?
is it really worth it to waste your life just for your career?
but i'm not giving up yet. we shall see the outcome of this.
and with worst case scenario, i will have a career change.
.sighs.

i don't know how to explain it.
if only you could truly see how much i
really care for you & how much you mean to me.
i'll always looking forward to meet you every single day
the grin that only belongs only to you
when i always meet you,i can't help but smile
there is just something about you
when you put your hands in mine
my heart suddenly beats faster
i wish i could tell you right then and there
that my life could never be better.
when you put your arms around me
for a simple gentle hug
i want to stay in that moment forever
and tell you how much you really are loved.
when we gradually come close enough together
our lips touches, a kiss.
nothing around us seems to matter
because there's nothing sweeter than this
no words could ever express how much you mean to me
i can't simple figure it out why do i love you so so much
but what i definitely know that there's something very special about you.
your love & care is one of a kind.



ily.

its 1:45am , and im still chatting with bf at msn.
its been two days i spend my time with him.
went over to his place today.how i wish i could
meet him every single day. hehe! best kan?
next week will be his ORD and after that
he gonna work back at his old workplace.
hmm surely me & bf will be very very busy.
and guess we'll seldom meet la klau gtu. ala..... :(
2 ari tk jmpe dh mcm orng gile,ape lagy 1 week or 2 weeks?
aiyoh (!!!) but anyways, im happy for him.
like finally he has finishes his NS life.

it's only 7th March and im left with $50+ in my wallet.
transport + daily snacks + ciggs + hp topup = $50 (1 month) !!!
aru plan nk blikan bby boxer..hais..tkpe end of this month
will buy for him new boxers.. thought of buying for him
this GSHOCK watch on this coming salary. will think abt that
because he'll always warn me makesure he's there when buying
for him something. so yah takot plak bby nanti dont like that watch.
hmmm. its been awhile since i bought for him something.
hopefully this upcoming pay will be more than last month.
i really really wanna buy that BEBE shirt. hais~ $79 (!!)
soon soon soon. cant wait!

*yawns*

ok, its 2:20am now. my beloved bf is asleep.
how i wish he's beside me now.hehe!
hmm.i better get my sleep now too.
will be working FULL shift tmrw.
working full shift on weekend(s) sucks big time.

good night .

finally i get to meet my beloved bf today.
he he! its been like nearly 2 wks since we last met.
i miss him so so so so so so much. (!!!)
so arnd 2 plus,i was getting ready and me & bf
so called 'argue' over the smallest matter.
ha ha! god,don't ask :/
firstly,i guess he kinda pissed off or maybe
loss his mood becos of me till he don't wish to meet me.
yes,i knew him so so well. once if he's not in the mood,
you have to like "pujok" him continuously.
manje kan sgt!! taik!! hmph!
of course i will always control my ego & temper and pujok him.
reason being firstly, i love him so the very much
secondly, i miss him so so much
thirdly,yes i wouldn't bare to be apart from him
fourthly, hmm. i couldn't live without him
oh dear, why do i love you so much?
...
spend half of the day with him at Darlene.
then proceed to kovan's MacDonald for our supper.
and yes I'm meeting him again tmrw.
can't wait. missing him already. =(

MORE PHOTOS :




why do i love this baby boy of mine so much?

xoxo