pardon this comatose blog of mine which longing for update.

im shivering with cold sweats all over me now.
the moment i reached home, i lock my bedroom door and
quickly curl up on my bed with my arms wrapped around
my knees and all snuggled up underneath my comforter.
ive been really sick since this morning. i thought it was
just a normal menstrual headaches but turn out to be fever.
but i still find myself motivated to get my ass off to work
despite those killing splitting headaches. and i guess ive lost
2 of my body senses; no more tastebuds and my nose is wayyy
congested till the extend that too much mucus is coming from my mouth.
disguting? yes i know. . talking about this makes me puke. urgh!

i really hate being sick. the last time i was really down with sickness
i was required to do countless tests and checkups. having needles
jabbed into the whole time. not my idea of fun -_-
but i found out that i had Anemia since i was a kid. it caused by
having low blood cells or something like that. hah. idk.
and so yah that's basically the reasons why i hate going to doctors.
it will be those same words repeated again and more blood tests
from them "calculate" my blood counts. bloody hell. (!!!)

my life has been one heck of a roller coaster ride.
and a never-ending too. right now there is nothing that
is more important to me than my current job and the people
who've always been there by side when i needed someone.

on another note i guess noone knows how i feel.
im really upset and felt like the whole world was closing down on me.
my heart is shattering into pieces and i kept staring into thin airs.
alot of things kept running through my mind.
things at home aren't in good state either. ive been having
conflicts with my family lately and i really dont know why.
everything around me is like confusing me.
yes sometimes i do feel like running away.
but to think about it, by running away wont solve the issue.

i really envy those families who are united and share a close
bond with one another. i miss family outings and gatherings
and the fun that me and my family used to have.
but things however spiralled since i was in my early teen age.
and it hasnt been the same since then.. haix . .

and now bf is avoiding my msges .
and ive spend my entire day at work crying.
ive been spending much time alone at work.
lunch by myself sitting alone and etc
ive even tried to make things better for bf
but i failed. he didnt reply my msges.
i honestly hope that im strong enough to
overcome every single obstacles in my life and
i pray that me and bf will get back to our normal self soon.

im always here for you if you ever need me.
i miss you badly , come back soon.

"sometimes i wonder how much do i mean to you"
xoxo